The Pretty Uncomfortable Podcast

The Anatomy of Foreplay: How Being In The Know Can Bring Her An O

"You wouldn't go down a waterslide if it wasn't wet"...while researching for this episode I read this line and immediately knew there was no better way to get my point across.
Foreplay seems to be a bit of a lost art. Sure, there's some kissing. Maybe a hot little make out session. But the kind of foreplay that so many women need for their body to be READY? *ahem, wetting that waterslide* Men, I want you to get your notepads out for this one!
The problem starts with a lack of knowledge. How can we know, if we don't know? So many people do not have a full understanding of anatomy- both their partner's AND their own. If you don't understand anatomy, you won't understand your partner's pleasure points, and why they may need more time than you.
I have always learned best when I am first shown the WHY. So in this episode I want to show you WHY foreplay is so important, especially for a woman. I share with you in simple, relatable ways the way men and women's anatomy differs, and also the similarities in our arousal. 
Pull up a chair as I sneak you into my impromptu anatomy class to explain how adding foreplay into the mix can also lead to more orgasms. Because, again...dry water slide? Ew. NO.
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Have a topic you would like to talk about? Or a question you may be shy or embarrassed to ask? You can safely ask all of your questions anonymously HERE! I’m always and forever your safe word!
 

Change Your Dating Habits: Dating Advice From Someone That Is Really Bad At Dating

Dating can be exhausting. You meet. You have fun. Things get serious. And then BOOM you're crying alone on your bed on a Saturday night. You eventually wipe your tears away, get brave, and get back out there. But you get a sense of déjà vu as you are once again spending the weekend with your cat.
Ok, fine. Yes, I am describing my dating life. In this episode I discuss why my dating life was so unsuccessful, the lengths I went to in order to prevent myself from being hurt, and what I realized I needed to do if I wanted to change the way I felt about dating.
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Have a topic you would like to talk about? Or a question you may be shy or embarrassed to ask? You can safely ask all of your questions anonymously HERE! I’m always and forever your safe word!
 

Suicide Is Not a Choice: Mental Illness and Those Losing The Battle To It Deserve More Compassion

In the same way that death comes when someone loses their battle with cancer, so too does death come when someone loses their battle with mental illness.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, which is a topic that lives close to my heart. I have had this episode on my mind since even before Pretty In Kink launched it's first episode in January. I wasn't ready for it. But the whole point of this podcast is to show you that when we discuss the uncomfortable things, we get more comfortable. 
The conversations that surround a death by suicide are interesting. They are unlike any other. When I lost my mother to an unexpected illness I was surrounded by comforting words. She fought so hard. She held on for so long. Heaven got an angel. She was so strong. She was such an amazing woman. When my brother died from suicide, I was told that he would burn in hell. That he was a terribly selfish person. That he thought of no one but himself. How dare he? What was he thinking? Our small town high school outright refused to lower the flag in his memory due to his death being from suicide. 
How can we ever expect people to feel safe to come forward and discuss their struggles, to reveal the level or darkness they are sitting in, if they run the risk of being vilified? Of being looked down upon as if they are weak. The conversations that we have, the judgements we lay upon people struggling with mental illness, have got to change. Mental illness is an illness that kills just as fiercely as cancer does. 
We need to start having compassion for those that are struggling. When we lose someone to mental illness their memory deserves the same level of compassion as those that die of any other illness. The words we choose live on. People hear them. And when they are grasping onto life, those words that they once heard do not give them comfort. They remind them that they are bad. It feeds the illness further and they become more and more reluctant to reach out. And the ones left in the aftermath? Those harsh words push them deeper into their grief isolation. They are mourning a very complicated loss while essentially being told that their person is bad for this tragic action. 
In this episode I share my personal experience with surviving the aftermath of my brother's suicide, the way the words of others hurt me, and my evolution from feeling anger turn to compassion. 
"The problem with how many are talking about tWitch's death" by Mel Robbins
***SUICIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES***
Never be afraid to reach out for help- it’s the bravest thing you will ever do…
Suicide Hotline- CLICK HERE 
Suicide Prevention Resources- CLICK HERE 
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Stay connected with Pretty In Kink and Tera Vee:
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…….
Have a topic you would like to talk about? Or a question you may be shy or embarrassed to ask? You can safely ask all of your questions anonymously HERE! I’m always and forever your safe word!
 

Porn Sex Is Not Real Sex: Stop Trying To Perform and Start Giving Pleasure

Porn can be a useful guide to exploring your sexuality, discovering new techniques, and unlocking new desires. But it should never be your rule book. It should not be an instruction manual. 
If your main point of reference for your sex life comes from porn there is a chance that you have been duped by the slight of hand that occurs so often with porn content. And if you have been duped by that razzle dazzle, there is also a chance that your partner is left feeling unsatisfied and unimpressed.
I am a proponent of porn, a fan of porn, and also a creator of it. But I am also aware of the illusion constantly being presented to its viewers. Men are the main consumers of porn, and the industry knows it. There is no denying the entertainment factor, and who doesn't love a little fantasy now and then? But when that fantasy becomes your unofficial sex educator you can miss the mark on how to be an attentive partner. 
In this episode I discuss the things that I wish we saw more of in porn, and give you a friendly reminder that what you see is not reality. I want to bring to the attention of men, especially, that they are being misguided. So much of adult content misses the mark with not highlighting that women deserve all that amazing pleasure as well. 
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Have a topic you would like to talk about? Or a question you may be shy or embarrassed to ask? You can safely ask all of your questions anonymously HERE! I’m always and forever your safe word!
 

Ghosting: What Is Ghosting, Why Do People Do It, and Is It Ever OK To Ghost?

Last night you had the most amazing second date. Things went great and you can't wait to see them again, so you text them to tell them exactly that. You hit send, and your heart flutters in anticipation, waiting for them to respond that they feel the same. A couple minutes go by. Ok, maybe they're in the shower. You've made it to the afternoon, and still no response. Maybe they went out with a friend and they're just not glued to the phone.
The sun has gone down, the sound of those crickets coming from your phone just keep getting louder and you're left wondering, what happened? Did you say something wrong on your date. Did you offend them? They were SO nice, there is no way they would just ignore you.
Did you....did you just get ghosted?  It happens to the best of us. The temptation is strong to call the Ghostbusters and get some answers. It's natural to want to reach out again and again, to try to get some sort of an answer. Some sort of closure. But is it worth it? 
In this episode I discuss why people ghost, and why it can hurt so damn much. I also explore the idea that there are times that it may be ok to get a little paranormal and do some ghosting of your own, and I share situations where I chose to be the ghost, and why I felt I needed to. Come join the conversation and let me know your thoughts!
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Have a topic you would like to talk about? Or a question you may be shy or embarrassed to ask? You can safely ask all of your questions anonymously HERE! I’m always and forever your safe word!
 

Introducing Kinks: How To Not Make It Weird If You Want To Get Weird In The Bedroom

You were watching a movie the other night. And there was that super sexy scene...you know the one I'm talking about. The one that made you feel all tingly, that made you feel curious, made you think, "hmmm, I want to try THAT!" And now you are wondering- how can you ask your partner for this without being embarrassed. Or maybe you're with someone you just met at the bar. You want to tell them there's this thing you REALLY like, but you're nervous they might judge you, especially since you barely know them.
On the other end of the spectrum- your partner comes to you after watching a movie the other night, and they tell you they saw a scene that intrigued them. They want to try something new in the bedroom. Or you're enjoying a casual experience with someone new, and they tell you they have this thing that they're love for you to do. The way we react in these situations can have lasting effects.
How do we tell our partners that we want to try something new in the bedroom? And how do we react when our partners present a kink that makes us feel not so tingly?
In this episode I discuss what steps to take to introduce new kinks into the bedroom, as well as how to receive the information as the one being asked.  There is no right or wrong way for these conversations to happen. HOWEVER, there are a couple rules that should be followed- for both the person asking for something new, and for the one that is being asked.
Join the conversation as I share the different ways that I present my kinks to new partners as well as an experience I had that made me feel shamed for trying something new. I will share with you different steps to discuss these potentially uncomfortable topics, and the key to making it a fun and smooth experience. Because you know I love when you get weird, and I want to make sure you get to be weird in the bedroom too!
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Have a topic you would like to talk about? Or a question you may be shy or embarrassed to ask? You can safely ask all of your questions anonymously HERE! I’m always and forever your safe word!
 

Depressed, Overwhelmed, & Struggling: How Two Simple Words Helped Me Feel Like I Could Make It Through

There are times in life that things just get...hard. Hard to stay positive. Hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hard to feel like you can make it through.
And then the internet tells you that you are not doing enough. Just meditate. Read that popular self-help book. Change your mindset. Practice gratitude. Get outside more. Focus on the good things. Journal. Meanwhile, you're just trying to get out of bed today. Suddenly you're thinking "Fuck, I should be doing more. It's my fault I am feeling this way." And then, on top of all the other dark feelings brewing in your mind, you can now add that you suck at self-care. 
I am here to tell you- FUCK THAT. Sometimes, simply brushing your teeth is a monumental accomplishment, and you need to congratulate yourself for that.
This is not a permission slip to not take care of yourself. This is not me telling you to sit in the dark and hide yourself away. What I am telling you is that sometimes it's ok to simply be not ok. It's ok to do the bare minimum until you can do a fraction more. And then a little more.
In this episode I give you a very raw and emotional peek into my current struggles and my feelings of drowning. I share with you the statement my therapist said to me that released a weight off of my shoulders. Two words that helped me more than anything else could in this moment.
With this episode I have chosen to minimally edit, leaving in the emotional moments that completely took me by surprise and caused me to give the occasional pause until I could gather myself. In a world that is flooded with highlight reels that help to make us feel worse about our own lives, I feel it is so important to share the other side. To show that you are NOT alone. And that we all struggle. So while it feels incredibly uncomfortable to share this episode with such raw moments not being edited out, it is also far too important not to. 
 
***SUICIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES***
Never be afraid to reach out for help- it’s the bravest thing you will ever do…
Suicide Hotline- CLICK HERE 
Suicide Prevention Resources- CLICK HERE 
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Stay connected with Pretty In Kink and Tera Vee:
Pretty in Kink | Instagram
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Tera Vee | Website
…….
Have a topic you would like to talk about? Or a question you may be shy or embarrassed to ask? You can safely ask all of your questions anonymously HERE! I’m always and forever your safe word!

Faking Orgasms: Let’s Turn Those Fake O’s into Standing Oh-Ohhh-Ohhhhhvations

It's easy to fake an orgasm. We can make it pretty believable, I promise. Oh, you don't believe me? Go watch this classic scene from When Harry Met Sally. Go on, I'll wait. 
Ok, you're back. See? I told you so. But here's the problem, when we fake it all we're doing is tricking our partners into thinking they are hitting all the right spots. They walk away feeling heroic. The Master of O's. And so they come back and repeat the same actions. 
Over and over again this plays out. You walk away unsatisfied. They walk away feeling proud. But your partner isn't to blame. They're simply following your lead. So let's stop it already. It's time to take ownership of your sexuality and realize that the only way to get what you want is to ASK for what you want. Yup. I said what I said. You need to get comfy with the idea of *gasp* communicating.
Join me in a conversation on why faking orgasms is doing you absolutely no favors and how to take the steps to start getting pleasure in the bedroom. In this episode I also share my personal experiences with communicating with partners on how to give me an orgasm as well as share why I decided that I would never again let someone rob me of my orgasms.
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Stay connected with Pretty In Kink and Tera Vee:
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…….
Have a topic you would like to talk about? Or a question you may be shy or embarrassed to ask? You can safely ask all of your questions anonymously HERE! I’m always and forever your safe word!

Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence: KnowYou’re The Sh*t and Stop Tolerating Bullsh*t

You look in the mirror. You take a second look. You think "dammmmn" as you admire your reflection. And then you immediately feel guilty. You think, "I can't act like I'm a hottie, what will people think?" 
It has been ingrained in many of us that to shine bright is equivalent to showing off. That we should not proudly present those parts of ourselves that we feel good about, whether that is our appearance or our abilities. We've all been guilty of watching someone strut by, glowing in that main character energy, and quietly thinking "WHO do they think they are?"
I'm here to tell you that it is ok to toot your own horn. Building our self-esteem and self-confidence can be a catalyst to incredible changes in our lives- from improving your sex life to your social circle. 
Let's chat about the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence, how you can have one without the other, and what we can do to start feeling hotter and hotter and having our own main character energy.
Join me as I share how building my own self-confidence and self-esteem helped me to get out of toxic situations and why I'll never look back. I'll give you a hint...it's because we stop tolerating bullish*it when we realize WE are the sh*t.
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Stay connected with Pretty In Kink and Tera Vee:
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…….
Have a topic you would like to talk about? Or a question you may be shy or embarrassed to ask? You can safely ask all of your questions anonymously HERE! I’m always and forever your safe word!

The B-Sides: Ladies, Let’s Look At The Dating World From a Man’s Perspective.

The B-Sides...where I take content from the cutting room floor of the previous episode to share in a mini-episode.
Episode 15, The B-Sides:
In episode 15 we talked about if size matters. I touched on the fact that we also judge on another aspect of a man's size...his height. In this companion episode I expand on that, and what the dating world looks like for men as they are judged not just for penis size, but for their height, their bank account, their car.
Ladies, this mini-episode is for you. I challenge you to see things from a different perspective. To put yourselves in the shoes of the men out there, and then tell me how you would feel if we had the same experiences.
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